Nida Jawed
Life Coach for Couples, Parents, and Youth
How to help your children be ready for the bullies
The number of bulling cases and physical abuses, as well as mental torture among peers in school environment are increasing on a very uncomfortable scale. We are all aware of the unacceptable bullying incidents that are taking place in our communities and the challenges our children are facing. My heart goes out to the families facing disappointment by their school systems that do end up failing when it is about taking vital measures against prevention sometimes.
I want to take this opportunity to share some guidelines for the parents on how they can prep their children to be ready for any bully that shows up.
Key points:
1. We need parents to stand with their children and show up for them when they have suffered bullying/trauma; because, children need to know they have a strong support system. Many parents ask their kids to “ignore” the situation and let their children feel helpless. Children should always feel their backs are strong, and parents are on their side; also, parents need to trust their children when they open up about hurt or harm.
2. We need children to have the courage to stand up and voice! Many children cannot push against the bully and allow misbehavior to happen; why? Because, we do not teach them to “defend” themselves, be resilient, instead we ask them to “ignore, accept, and let it go.” There is a keen difference between, letting little things slide, and accepting hurtful abuse.
3. We are raising our kids to be “submissive.” Before they even voice and share, poor children are doubting themselves 1st, “am I the one at fault?” Let’s face it, more children are suffering gaslighting at home; this is training their mind to have self-doubt.
Quick reminders:
- First, be an involved parent. Do take part in your children’s school activities and introduce yourself to other parents and teachers. Second, form friendships, and get to know other parents; this will give you insight into the friends and company your children will be spending most of their day with. Please, stay away from judgment, only friendly manners of ethics and communication. Positive relationships prevent bullying and create a support system where parents and children look out for each other.
- Yes, bullying needs to stop. Schools need to take more significant measures. But before that, our children need to learn how to “stand up” and “speak up” without fear of getting in trouble.
- Teach your children never to throw the 1st punch or slap; never be the 1st to make skin contact with the bully or troll.
- Ask your children to go to the nearest teacher/ person of authority when facing a bully or abusive situation. This is not tattling; this is looking out for self and others.
- If there is no response from the authoritative adults in the school, children can demand to have their parents called to the school or text their parents themselves.
- If your child comes home sad, mad, and quiet, then parents need to investigate and ask the child what the matter is? Build the trust with your child that makes it easy for them to open up.
- If your child shares an experience of physical or mental abuse, then parents need to take “immediate actions.”
- Demand meeting with the “bully’s parents” through school; if the school refuses (which happens often), ask for updates and school’s course of action and progress. Keep contact information of school district officials as well.
- Also, keep PTA-published student/Parent directories that have parent contact information. This comes very handily if you need to connect with the parents personally.
Warnings:
- Lazy parents who blame their children instead of calling out the bully, bully their children at home themselves as well; this is when we have children who are growing up and developing in two ways:
A) The children who are struggle to stand up and defend themselves, allowing and accepting abuse. They are growing up with parents or family who gaslight and bully; so, bullying becomes an acceptable behavior.
B) The Children turn into the bullies themselves. Their anger vents out in form of aggressive behavior on someone weaker and someone they can have power over. Sometimes, making someone feel bad feels incredible, and the bully needs to feel that power that comes with spreading fear because, in the bully’s life, fear is powerful.
So, parents, be the pillar for your children. Watch how you communicate and behave with them; remember to always stand with your children.
Having said that, if you find out your children are suffering in any form, sometimes even teachers are not all that innocent, call the abuser out and work with the appropriate authority.
1st and foremost, your child needs to know that you have their back.
Connect with your Life Coach to scale your parenting style to suit your lifestyle
Nida Jawed
Certified Life Coach
Live. Aligned. Balanced. Content With
Nida Jawed Life Coaching, LLC
•Helping with Life| RelationshipTransformation of Teens & Adults
•Augmenting nourishing families & flourishing individuals
In-Office Sessions: Dallas, Texas
Virtual Sessions: Globe
469-609-0870 Phone
nida@nidajawed.com
http://www.nidajawed.com
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Gender Biases in Parenting Roles
by Nida Jawed
Another face of our society that makes parenting a little more complicated than it needs to be is gender biases between the parents.
The actions that are accepted if done by the dad are scolded upon when done by the mom. Our society has put a lot of burden on moms regarding parenting, underestimating the dad’s role and importance in a child’s life.
Society’s scale of excuses for an uninvolved parenting style from a father grants him the privilege to spend hours related to his work, development, and growth, providing 16 hours a day to his dedicated task. All of which is accepted because he is, in the end, seen in society as a “provider.”
Undoubtedly, some dads are exceptional providers who are not seeing day and night to make ends meet for their family. I am by no means undervaluing them.
However, the point is if a mom were to invest just as much effort to financially provide for her family and rely on her partner to take care of the house and children while working, she would face bashing and judgment. Most probably, from other women.
When it is about parenting, both parents need to be involved, there is only one healthy style of parenting, and that is, Authoritative.
I am witnessing gender biases and roles within the family that make it harder to thrive and grow together. Public opinion of people’s judgment creates obstacles between teamwork of parents.
Mother and father both are vital, but I hear so many times moms say, “I have to be a father and a mother to my child.” I hear this statement from moms who are single and married!
To create healthy families, both parents need to play their part without focusing on the judgments and comments of outside societal perceptions.
Partners should discuss clear roles and responsibilities of being a parent with each other. Mothers should not have to face judgments for doing what is accepted by fathers, and if fathers hold a nurturing position of taking care of their home and children, why pass a judgment on them for being less masculine?
Connect with your Life Coach to scale your parenting style to suit your lifestyle
Nida Jawed
Certified Life Coach
Live. Aligned. Balanced. Content With
Nida Jawed Life Coaching, LLC
•Helping with Life| RelationshipTransformation of Teens & Adults
•Augmenting nourishing families & flourishing individuals
In-Office Sessions: Dallas, Texas
Virtual Sessions: Globe
469-609-0870 Phone
nida@nidajawed.com
http://www.nidajawed.com
Subscribe to the youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/c/ponderingthoughtswithnidajawed
Join Muslim Parents Sanctuary Facebook Group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/njlcparents/
Follow on Social Media
http://instagram.com/nidajawedlife/
https://www.facebook.com/Nidajawedlife
https://www.linkedin.com/in/nidajawedlife
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Cleansing of the mind
COVID-19 has the whole world washing up, cleaning up for a healthy life, and preventing the deadly spread.
However, there is something more dangerous, the negative mindsets, the limiting beliefs, of those who spread the three Hs,
Hate
Harm &
Heartaches
Our thoughts are forming due to influences and experiences we witness or feel. The human mind fluctuates very fast, and once it develops a pattern, we either have pessimistic tendencies or optimistic ones.
1st, Think about the presence of the word, hate, in your life. What or who made you hate someone or something? The idea of “hate” was generated in your mind from an opinion, place, or an experience. Once the concept or a belief develops, you start sharing the cycle of influence.
The negative thoughts spread faster than the positive ones because we share them negatively, such as backbiting, criticism, gossip, revenge, envy, jealousy, competition, and others. The harmful intentions or mindset communicates that the hate, harm, and heartache spread, finding space in another person’s mind, body, or even soul.
2nd, harm, experiencing emotional or physical abuse can damage mental wellbeing at severe levels. Imagine all places where you witnessed or allowed liability on yourself or others. That pain destroyed something in you, or the experience made you see someone or something in a negative light, forming biases; you started painting groups of similar backgrounds with the same brush. The anger you could not take out on an abuser came out on someone else you thought you could control.
The experiences of broken trust and harm lead people to cage themselves in their minds to protect themselves from damage and prevent others from doing the same. The people who experience emotional injury are often on the defense mode, initiating harm before they get harmed.
Lastly, what are heartaches? They often are breakups, the losses, the griefs, the regrets, the trusts, the fears, the broken souls.
People will learn to prevent the pain from happening; harm before getting hurt, or give up on life altogether. The mindset of “if you don’t try, then you won’t fail” occurs here. Even when they are giving advice, then the advice is more of a warning or a discouragement.
Negative people’s mindset is taking formation by accepting negativity, forming limiting beliefs, and spreading them.
In conclusion, washing up our minds is just as crucial for all of us. We have to keep it declutter and clean too. The experiences we face of hate, harm, and heartaches come in the way of a positive mindset, sabotage our growth, and spread from us to someone else.
How can you help yourself? Connect with Nida Jawed Life Coaching, and let’s work on decluttering your mind and have you live to the fullest of your well-deserved life. It is time to tackle your limiting beliefs and wash them out. Click here to schedule your discovery call.
Life lessons and what to do with them
By Nida Jawed
Life is an institution of learning. We are learning and growing through so much of experience from birth till death will encounter us. We all know that, and I am not sharing anything new here.
Now, here’s the point I want to make, we are learning through the institution of life, never actually graduating! There is no degree for us to hold at the end that says, “yes, I did it.” There is no sense of accomplishment or pride, “Now I am in a higher position than someone else because I have done so well in my life.”
Life is teaching us the lessons we need, not what we want to learn. Life lessons test us regardless of financial status or formal education. Life lessons are given to an individual by the supreme being and not to the “class.” Life doesn’t group people; it remains yours.
Problem, we learn to disregard the lessons; why? Because we are accustomed to a final graduation, we are accustomed to a sense of accomplishment. We need gratification and be better than someone else. We need competition to prove our worth, and we need assurance that our hard work will pay off. We are accustomed to identifying success as worth, status, importance, finances, material, jewels, relationships, families, romance, and treasures of abundance in bounty. Anyone who doesn’t meet at least a few social status measures is looked upon as if they have “failed in life.”
The society standards of an “accomplished” person only give you the right to flaunt your achievements, degrees, jobs, richness, fame.
Life does not discriminate against its students.
Every person experiences pain, grief, sadness, disappointment, happiness, contentment, fulfillment, joy; life gives you what you “need” to accept, not what you are “willing” to take.
Life gives a lesson to develop your character, your being, nurture who you are after you have earned and learned. Life asks the simple questions, “so now you are successful by your definition, what will you do now? Or “so now you are failing by your definition, what will you do now?”
These questions take you into the next phase of life, think, develop, evolve, and improve; make the change. You will never stop learning, my friend, not in this lifetime at least.
Just remember, real success is the wisdom you gain to share with others. The knowledge you share with others is the only part of your worldly success that shall remain alive after you are gone. Degrees, that paper is worthless for anyone else once you are gone. Jobs, someone else will replace your position once you are gone. Riches, it will be divided once you are gone. Fame, out of sight, out of mind.
So, what will you do now? call/Text (469) 609-0870, email nida@nidajawed.com, or schedule your free discovery session here; let’s help you discover how you can utilize your institution of life to work in your favor.
How to cope with adversity? Spiritual-Islamic View
How to cope with adversity?
Spiritual-Islamic View
By Nida Jawed
In Oct 2016, mother of three and 3 months pregnant with twins gets the devastating news that her husband has stage 4 blood cancer. Her world cripples down with no help and nowhere to turn except Allah. Doctors had decided to put her husband through chemo and radiation during which she was not allowed to be present and be with her husband due to her pregnancy. Every single night turned into a battle, she feared the loss of her husband, birth of her children, and uncertainty of the future with her three children. Doctors show little to no hope on her husband’s condition. Her due date was Feb 25th, 2017. The months between Oct 2016 and Feb 2017 were the hardest this woman ever endured and bared patience to. During this time she did her best to keep her children safe, took care of her husband, and prayed to Allah as if she had never called on him before. She had never imagined she will have to be the strongest during the weakest moments of her life.
” Allah Doesn’t burden a soul beyond that it can bear.” – Surah Baqarah/ Verse 286
Two weeks before the birth of her children, her husband had his final scan after going through the agonizing treatment. Doctors witnessed a miracle, he was clean of cancer cells; wife in a state of prostration, thanked Allah as she never thought her husband will get to see their twins. End of Feb 2017, she gave birth to twin boys, and her husband was present to witness the birth. Today, Alhumdililllah they are going through normal struggles of raising five kids together, and not taking a single moment for granted.
This wonderful woman’s story of patience and its reward is a lesson for anyone who finds his/herself hopeless in the time of a test. I got to witness this whole experience as she found support in my words, and strength in my advice. However, her determination and will was the strongest I had ever witnessed. Thus, her reward was most deserving.
Realizing Allah wants us to find our strength:
Our difficulties and our weaknesses become unbearable at times, the tests from Allah make us feel as if we are lost, “Is Allah not listening? Why am I being punished?” These questions are just a fraction of what goes through an individual’s mind. However, the answers we seek are not very far, Allah says, ” call to me and I will answer.” He wants to strengthen our faith, us, and he wants us to communicate/pray to him, he wants us to show patience rather than bickering, he wants us to be guided. The chains of our pain suffocate us, and our faith is the key to set ourselves free. How we cope with our struggles is more of a mindset, staying positive though is a process; however, we shall, inshallah, find peace as we learn to cope and practice his guidance.
” And we will surely test you with something of fear, and hunger and loss of wealth, and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient.” -Surah Baqarah/ Verse 100
First, we have to come to an understanding that there is no escaping a test. It is in Quran, and it is guaranteed. Scary right? However, it is also in the same Quran that,
” with every hardship, comes ease.” – Surah Al-Inshirah/ 94:4
Not before, not after, WITH! The keyword is “WITH” but in our moment of struggle, we become so consumed by our pain, we feel neglected and abandoned by Allah that we don’t really try to see where he has offered us “ease”?
For example, there is a child who is learning to walk, he falls when he stands on his own, stands up again, takes a few steps, and falls again. His tiny mind maybe fearing to fall and maybe wondering why he can’t stand? He trusts his mother though, she holds his tiny hand, and help’s him walk, and she helps him each time he falls. This child now has developed trust in his mother that she will be there to catch him if he falls. Slowly he gains confidence, strength, and faith in his own abilities; now he grabs a chair, sofa, table, and walks around. Soon, this child learns not just to walk but also to run!
Allah loves us 70 times more than a mother. We all struggle to learn new things, we fear falling, we fear loss, we fear change, and we fear risk and chances; nevertheless, our Allah has given us the promise to never burden us with more than we bare. Like a mother who grabs her child’s hand, Allah has asked us to raise our hands in prayers, ask for help, and audience. He will teach us how to break through chains of our pain, he will help us in learning to walk as we embrace change. Once he shows us the way, we will discover our strength and be pleasing to Allah; we will not just walk, we will then run!
Evaluating and checking ourselves:
“Allah will not change the condition of people until they change what is in themselves.” ( 13:11)
Second, we have to stop and take a moment to breathe, and evaluate ourselves, and our situation. We have to see what choices we have made, where we have been, where we are going, and where we want to be? We have to see what has gotten us where we stand. We have to really look into our circumstances that are causes of our choices. As we pray we have to decide and evaluate where we stand, how can we change, and where to go from here?
The truth of the matter is, the moment of struggle has fallen upon us because, Allah wants you to “change something.” When we are happy we are content. We do not change what seems perfect; however, when we are put in a test, we rethink our choices, in some cases we are forced to make choices we wouldn’t otherwise. Our struggles also show us our capabilities. Our struggles can make us bitter or better; but as long as we work on strengthening our faith, we will come out a better person, Insha’Allah.
Furthermore, as we work on our faith, acceptance, and realization that Allah does not want the worst for us, we have to open our eyes, and acknowledge that this world was a punishment for Adam and Eve. Every single prophet who has walked on this planet was put through tests and struggles tougher than ours. Our Prophet PBUH was tested and we are ordered to follow his example, his life, and his hadiths to solve our matters, and know how to act.
What is the difference between the prophets and us? What makes us so special that we question Allah and complain, while these prophets kept thanking Allah for the struggles? The major difference is that the prophets knew the world is a test and had no love for this world in their heart. They realized their purpose is to make people aware of the existence of one God and make them aware of right from wrong. The companions and the Muslims of that era put all their bounties in the line for the sake of Allah, believing his promises.
Taqwa,
“And whoever fears Allah – He will make a way out for him. And will provide for him from where he does not expect.” At-Talaq 2-3
Tawakkul
“And whoever relies upon Allah-then he is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish his purpose. Allah has already set for everything a {decreed} extent. “ At-Talaq 3
followed by Prayer, repentance, and Charity.
We, as Muslims of today also need to put the love of this world on the palm of our hands. Heartbreaks happened because we love the creation more than the creator. We love our homes, our families, and our blessings that Allah has provided for us, forgetting we are tested with happiness and sadness. We fall in love with our material so hard and deep that we panic each time we break a plate, each time our loved one gets sick, we suffer financial loss, our loved one passes away and or even worse calamity strikes us. We are so afraid of a thought of loss.
May Allah protect us all from harsh tests, Ameen.
Positive mindset:
The most important thing we can do for ourselves when we are going through the struggle is to “remain positive”. Our religion is very optimistic, or trust in Allah is optimistic. Often time, our attitude towards the hardship, calamity, and struggle is more of what causes stress, then the given situation itself. Overthinking causes us to create worse scenarios for ourselves because we are expecting it, or fear gets the best of us. We do not show faith and we show no positivity. We end up developing the “know it all” attitude making our struggle worse, we end up deciding the worst, rather than utilizing our recourses and asking for help, our ego and devil’s whispers push us in uncertainty, we start losing faith. This negativity is the worst thing we can do to ourselves.
Staying positive seems easier said than done; however, be grateful to Allah as he has surely saved us from a worse of the struggles before. We should notice how far we have arrived in life, and not be concern about how far we have still have to go. Turn back to Allah when struggling. He has brought us to it, he will take us through it, Insha’Allah.
How can we help ourselves?
1) We should keep the favors of Allah on our palms and remember they are gifts we have received from him. He has granted them to us, he has favored us, he can also take them away from us. If we lose the favor of this world, then it will surely be replaced with something better.
2) If the calamity is such that it is unexpected and out of our control, then bare patience and pray. We should think about where Allah is granting us ease at this moment and where will we find peace. Surely, what we are struggling with is better for us, and undoubtedly he has protected us from something worse.
3) We should think about where can we take strategic steps to improve the situation. Allah has provided us the world of bounties and resources, where can we get the right kind of help? We can never be afraid of hard work. We should be moving forward and make mindful decisions to help ourselves out of adversity.
4) We should stay calm and care for our own wellbeing 1st as well as those in our care, keep our mind and thoughts positive; the struggle is a journey to help us develop and change. We should think about what can be, rather than what is, keeping a positive and productive mindset is very important.
5) We talked about how Allah doesn’t burden the soul beyond endurance, therefore, we should make sure we do not put ourselves in a tough situation either, not complicate things by overthinking and dive in self-sabotage. Allah has given us the ability to say yes or no.
6) Remain Positive! Practice gratitude and control attitude. Allah will not let you fall.
In conclusion, the power of prayer and faith in Allah, the importance of positivity, hard work, and remaining patient during the time of adversity should be embedded in our mindset. Gratitude and faith is a lesson we should follow from the Prophet’s life and his companions, our goal is the pleasure of Allah not of this world. Remember the struggle is not a failure, and that should not weaken our faith. May Allah make it easy for us to change and evolve from our tests. May he help us turn into the more pleasing human beings, Ameen. Allah only tests those who he loves, and may he make his tests easy upon us, and may we become best of his dearest people, Ameen.
May Allah SWT increase us in our faith, in our patience, and increase in love for him. May he open the doors of his blessings to all his ummah and ease those who are struggling, Ameen.
Nida Jawed 